Memos (most recent first)

Thank you all for your patience. The coffee machine on 3 has been "thinking" since February. We have been advised by the vendor that this is normal. We have been advised by Dale that he does not drink coffee.

We do not know what it is thinking about. Please stop asking.

Team! Phase 4 begins Monday. Phase 4 will build on the learnings from Phase 3, which is ongoing, and course-correct from Phase 2, which did not happen. As always, the goal is synergy. We will know it when we see it.

Please complete the attached survey (attached).

Mandatory Fun Day is this Friday. Attendance is mandatory. Fun is encouraged but cannot be mandated (Legal). Activities include a three-legged race (Dale has asked to be excused; Dale is excused; Dale is still Employee of the Month).

The gentleman who has been in the lobby handing out leaflets that say "YOU'RE READY" is Chip Marlowe. He is not a vendor. He has asked several associates to "enroll in the Program." When asked what the Program is, he says it is what you need. Please do not enroll. Please do not take a leaflet. If you have taken a leaflet, please do not scroll.

please stop replying all

After sixteen years of service the fax machine on 2 will be retired on Friday. There will be cake. The fax machine has asked that its last fax be a thank-you note. We do not know how it asked. It is a fax machine. Please attend.

Is anyone still here? The intranet is still running. I'm going to leave it running. If you're reading this, it's still running. Dale, the banner updates itself. You don't have to do anything. You've never had to do anything. Congratulations, Dale.